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Baby Don't Do It - Shannon and the Clams

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American Vandal

Netflix, I love you. Sometimes. But especially last night. I don't often fall in love with a show from the get-go, but it's happened twice recently: Big Mouth and American Vandal. I binge-watched those vulgar babies to the end in a matter of hours, and I didn't regret a minute.

Yesterday was a mental health/cleaning the apartment day, and I eventually sat down to find something to cheer me up. I'd noticed American Vandal before, but something about it turned me off, i.e. I didn't bother to look into it at all, I simply thought it was going to be an ultra serious documentary about vandals. Look, Making a Murderer and Serial both sucked me in, but I don't think I can get too emotionally invested in vandals, okay? However, I finally decided to actually read the synopsis, and I have to admit, "satirical documentary" drew me in. Mama loves a good satire, but they're so rarely good.

American Vandal, you had me from the word "dick". Apparently …

Death Note 2017

Finally, it's here! The long-awaited, white-washed, dumbed down Death Note adaptation of your dreams is streaming on le Netflix, and it's the bomb!!! Get your popcorn and drugs ready, people.

I can't tell you how excited I was to watch this, and when I realized it's set in Seattle? I died! My god, how more perfect can it get? Well let me tell you, folks: it got much more parfait. It's so perfekt that you have to watch it to believe it. First of all, the whiteness is blinding, and I love being blinded. It's only natural for a story that's originally set in Japan with Japanese characters to take place in Washington State with super white people. It's so white that the actor playing Light, despite being a natural brunette, dyed part (only part) of his hair blonde. He's very dedicated. But the best part about this? They turned it into a high school drama! Fuck characters with interesting backgrounds, and screw detailed, thought-out plots. Personally, I…

Split

*Contains Spoilers*

If you gave up on M. Night Shyamalan a long time ago, I don't blame you. After years of mehs and misses, he made an unexpected return to greatness with the (underrated) 2015 film TheVisit, which has stuck with me after nearly two years. When I saw the trailer for Split, it was obvious that it was right up my creepy alley. Not only do I love a good horror film, but I've been fascinated with multiple personality disorder since I was a kid. That's normal, right?

Split is another worthy addition to the horror/thriller genre, and you can thank James McAvoy for most of that. His acting is well worth the watch, even when other aspects of the film fail.

Basic plot: three high school girls are kidnapped from a parking lot by Kevin (McAvoy), a man who possesses 23 (?) personalities, some of whom are more dangerous than others. His victims are Casey (Anya Taylor-Joy from The Witch), Claire (Haley Lu Richardson, Edge of Seventeen), and Marcia (Jessica Sula, Honeytra…

Sherlock Season 4: The Six Thatchers

*Spoilers*

The Six Thatchers

It's been a long time since I made the effort to watch a show as it aired, rather than binge-watch it after it's over, but Sherlock is a special exception. Despite being a fan of pretty much everything Sherlock Holmes, however, I've always had a small gripe with this particular series, the main reason being that it's cocky. I've said this in previous Sherlock reviews, but I'm saying it again because it's been so long. So long. Too long. Regardless, it hasn't changed, but I always manage to forgive them. But I never forget, just like I'm never going to forget this episode.

The Six Thatchers refers to six statues of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, which took me longer than it should have to realize. While there's a nice blend of mysteries to be had, the main focus turns to Mary in this episode. After finding out about her past as an assassin, we finally get a better glimpse of her life before becoming Mr…

Sky

I have a confession to make: the main reason I watched this was because of silly, vapid celebrity gossip. For shame! But to sum it up: Diane Kruger (supposedly) cheated on cutie pie Joshua Jackson with her Sky costar, Norman Reedus. Gross. Reedus was kinda hot in Boondock Saints, and he was my favorite character in The Walking Dead before I stopped watching a few years ago. But honestly, I want him to get a haircut and shower, because he perpetually looks unwashed, and that's not sexy.

Okay, so that's just gossip, but when Sky popped up on Netflix recently, I decided to give it a go and see if the movie was worth cheating on Pacey for. I mean Joshua Jackson...

Short answer: No. God no.

Diane Kruger is Romy, an unhappy French woman on vacation in California with her troublesome, sometimes abusive husband. When things get out of hand, she flees and decides to stay in America and go exploring. She also goes the Vegas stripper bunny route, or maybe it's just the bunny-that-lo…

Plemya (The Tribe)

*Contains spoilers*

This is probably one of the more unique movies I've watched recently. "Unique" doesn't always translate into "good," however.

Plemya is a Ukrainian film set in a school for the deaf. It's entirely in sign language, meaning no one ever speaks, or at least we're not allowed to hear them. There are also no subtitles, so if you don't know sign language (I sort of tried teaching myself when I was a kid, but...yeah), then it's a matter of "actions speak louder than words." I'm fine with that, personally. It's an interesting concept, and I can see why they chose to have zero spoken words or subtitles. It truly adds to the storytelling.

Plemya starts off with a teenage boy, Sergei, joining the school, which we quickly surmise is basically just a school for thugs and hookers. At first I thought, Oh dear, this is a story about a nice boy being corrupted by a bunch of violent criminals. Well, as it turns out, he fits…