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A Trillion Flying Ants Coming My Way

Forget Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! This is Attack of the Flying Ants!

A few weeks ago, my mom and I came back from work. It was a Wednesday, sunny and blue-skied, and maybe a little too hot to be comfortable. My dog was super excited that we were home, as usual. He had a toy in his mouth and his tail was wagging like crazy. Awww. Anyhoo, he sat himself down on one of the chairs, because we spoil our animals and let them get away with hairing up the furniture. I went over to him, petting him, and he dropped his toy on the floor, so I bent over to pick it up and...you can guess where this is going.

A gazillion flying ants! They were in a huge cluster on the floor underneath the window. I had a bit of a WTF moment. I called my mom over, she was horrified. Then I went into my room. Yup, my floor was basically a carpet of ants. Yay. So I whipped out the vacuum and murdered the bastards. Then I researched them to find out what the hell they were doing, and what we could do about it. Turns out this is what they do when they get frisky. I resent the fact that they not only chose my house to have rampant ant sex in, but my room. My room is not equipped for mad ant orgies. It's not even a nice room. I should really clean it, actually, and paint it again. Or, you know, move.

Well, I found a recipe for murder online. They said you have to kill them and attack their ant hill so that they don't come back. They're supposed to leave on their own anyway, but they will likely come back eventually.

So of course they came back the next week. More this time. I was watching a movie like the innocent person that I am when I discovered that there were what I assume were batrillions (yes, I did just invent that:) of flying annoyances stationed at our front door, our living room, and going up the stairs and into the bathroom. They were even on the walls this time, and no matter how many we killed, more came and hit us in the face. I had to wear sunglasses in the house in order to avoid any eye attacks.

Then the week after they made another appearance, only not as ridiculous as the second time.

So, I'm sure this has happened to a lot of you at some point. It's a common occurrence. I even remember it happening to me years ago in my room. It was nighttime, completely dark, and all of these ants were flying around my head as I lay in bed. They weren't anywhere else except my bedroom. I know what you're thinking: my room must be sexy as hell. Well, it's not, as I said. But that doesn't stop them...

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