Look, it's not going to leave a stamp on the world of rom-coms, but "This Means War" isn't a terrible movie. Its biggest offenses are being mediocre and cliche-ridden, which it truly is. You can see them coming. Lauren (Reese Witherspoon) runs into a hunky (more like average hunk) ex who is so damn happy with his beautiful fiance. They even ride bikes together like true lovers do. Oh, and of course this ex broke our heroine's heart and did it in a not-so-nice way (the prick cheated on her, and frankly she's too cute to be cheated on).
Then her sassy, nosy, pushy friend (Chelsea Handler, who I'll talk about later), signs her up on a dating site without her permission, and posts some questionable pictures of her, making her look like a grand ho. Great friend. Oh, but it does nab her a date with single father/CIA operative Tuck (Tom Hardy), which in turn leads her to meet his ladies man/CIA operative friend FDR (seriously?). She then begins dating them both, unaware that (a) they know each other, and (b) they're in competition. She also doesn't know that they installed cameras in her house. Great guys.
It has its funny moments, such as a paintball scene in which Tuck takes the game way too seriously. One of my main issues, aside from the predictability and the cliches, is that it was hard to root for either hero. At first Tuck seemed like the better choice, although he was never much to go for, in my opinion. As it went on, however, he seemed to grow more and more sociopathic, while ladies man FDR displayed more chemistry with Lauren. Still, it was hard to go for any particular couple, but in the end I did have a preference. I guess that says something, right?
Now, let's talk about Chelsea Handler. I don't know who told this woman she can act, but man, the woman has the deadest eyes. And I have seen me some dead eyes. It doesn't matter what sentiment she is trying to express, or how funny she is trying to be; her eyes remain deathly dead, deader than zombie eyes. For some reason, I tend to associate dead eyes with younger actresses, such as Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewart, but I suppose it doesn't matter what age you are. You can still be afflicted with the eyes of death.
I just had to point that out, because I don't see why she had to be in this.
Anyhoo, this isn't the worst way to spend two hours, although you could easily do better. It's forgettable, sure, but it's nothing worse than average.
My grade: B-