Sweet Dreams Are Made of...Chuck Norris?


How often do you remember your dreams? And how vivid are they? Maybe you never remember them at all. Lately, however, mine have been quite...interesting. There were several nights in a row in which I woke up after having very vivid dreams; the sort that stay with you all day. They weren't all bad dreams, but they all left me feeling a little disturbed. I guess that's what happens when you feel like you were actually in the dream to some degree, rather than simply watching it.

I don't mind this, though. Dreams can be terribly entertaining, don't you think? Take, for instance, two dreams I had last week (although I had several good dreams). In the one, I was set to marry a serial killer. And, by all accounts, I had the makings of a serial killer myself (which is why he didn't kill me), but I was like, Nah, I don't feel like killing people. And then I decided that I didn't want to marry my serial killer boyfriend (to be fair, he was rather old. Who am I, Lolita?), so I legged it. I'm pretty sure he was going to kill me if he ever found me, so...yeah. No idea what brought that dream on.

And then there was this dream. Truth be told, I remember very little of it at this point, but that's okay. The gist of it is that I was sexually assaulted by...Chuck Norris. In a cave. By a beach. And then he was stalking me. Again, where the hell did this come from? And why Chuck Norris? Why not someone who isn't Chuck Norris? Like, hmmm, a young Jeremy Irons (he's rather creepy and pervy now, eww) or a young Anthony Andrews? I like him. But no, it had to be Chuck Norris. Now I feel like making Chuck Norris jokes.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris can strangle people with a cordless phone.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

Okay, I'm done. Also, if you ever run into Chuck Norris on a beach and he wants to tag along, run away. I'm serious, kids.


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