Restless Tonight -Reviews and Rants

Don't worry, I used an AMC gift card, because there are some lows that even  I  am not willing to descend to. Cats . The only real reason to see this is to have a gloriously fun time hating on it. I was so giddy about the idea of it being terrible that I actually went out to see it on a Friday morning opening week. Perfect time, because only my fellow degenerates would be there (and confused people who actually did wander in, talk in whispered confusion and, dare I say, panic? Until finally they realized the error of their ways and went back to see Star Wars .) Let's start with the plot, of which there really isn't a coherent one. I'm okay with that. But I guess if there is one, it goes like this: British cats with human hands break out of their homes once a year and unite in the streets of London in order to perform horny musical numbers and compete for a chance to get a "new life". The winner gets to float off in a hot air balloon to...? Die. I mean o

Unfortunately, it was too early in the day to drink when I watched this, but alcohol should be on the list of prerequisites for this pile of romcom poo . Okay, so let me be honest before I start thoroughly trashing this: I watched it because I knew it would probably be terrible. I even forced my friend, someone who likes romcoms way more than I do, to watch this with me. Even he had nothing good to say about it. Granted, maybe he was also mad at me for torturing him, but I choose to believe this film produces feelings of disappointment and confusion all on its own. That being said, I still expected there to be some redeeming qualities. Maybe the romance would be legitimately adorable, maybe the characters would be so lovable that the audience can forgive the bad cliches and writing. Hey, maybe the sexual chemistry would be on fire, and become one of those guilty pleasure flicks. Alas, this was not the case. Basic plot: Gabriela, a pretty, ambitious woman in San Francisco, loses h

I'm trying to find the right words for this, but I'm all over the place. I'm really just here because I want to force this on people. Except children. They should go to bed and not come out until it's safe. The Greasy Strangler is one of those movies that makes me feel gleeful, while also making me gag. As far as bad movies go, this is intentionally all kinds of awful, but it's done so well that it works. IT WORKS. Basic plot: Ron and his son Brayden run a disco walking tour. Ron has an unnatural love of grease. Thus he is...THE GREASY STRANGLER, a serial killer who...yeah, he strangles people while covered in grease. Father and son soon vie for the love of Janet, one of their customers. And it's sexy as hell. This makes for a great date night movie. Tips for preparing for some grease: * Do not eat. Maybe you're strong, maybe nothing bothers you and you're just a full-blown deviant. But if you gag on your toothbrush, you will gag on this. *

It's been almost two weeks since I saw this movie, and I'm still thinking about it. Midsommar kicks in the door to its world via a dark, emotional introduction. If you didn't know what to expect from this film, well...you think you know, and you're close, but you're still not quite there. And that's a good thing, because while Midsommar has fun shocking its audience in the most ludicrous of ways, you will enjoy every moment of it, no matter how starkly violent, awkward, or angsty it is. That's part of the Midsommar experience. Unless you're not a degenerate like me, and then you might just need to go to therapy to bleach this film from your brain. Either way, prepare to be gleefully horrified and unusually tickled. If there's one word you'll want to keep in mind while watching this, it's Empathy , both for the lack of it in some characters, and for the twisted abundance of it in later scenes. The person who needs the most empathy in

If you don't know by now, I am a huge fan of The Conjuring universe. It can get a 0 rating and I will still pay to see it, that's how much of a fangirl I am. That being said, I am not blind to the flaws in this series. So let me get this out of the way: no other film in this universe will ever beat the first movie . That's not a criticism, it's just a reality when the first helping is so damn good. You can never quite recreate the feeling you get the first time you experience something, you know? That being said,  The Conjuring 2 is a close second, and proved that they can still spin a great horror flick when the right people are involved. But back to Annabelle Comes Homes . I was never that impressed with the first  Annabelle  film, although it had a few decent jump scares. It was, overall, a disappointment, especially considering that it stemmed from such a great catalyst. Annabelle: Creation  was a much better follow-up, but I was still skeptical about this

Have we ever talked about love at first sight? I'm pretty sure I've brought it up, because every so often, it hits me. Bobs Burgers, The Conjuring, Insidious, How To Get Away With Murder, The Office . I'm adding The Shivering Truth to that list, because MY GOD. As much as I love a good binge, I'm not always up to date on what's out. This only came out last year, but I still feel as though I should have known that, and I would probably still be lost if my boyfriend hadn't discovered it.  Created by  Vernon Chatman , it will come as no surprise that he's written and provided voice acting for South Park , and you may even recognize him in this. Which reminds me, I should start watching South Park again. So...how to describe this. Little animated stop motion nightmares that make you laugh and want to watch more, but also make you feel as though you shouldn't be enjoying it, but you're going to enjoy it anyway and just be Godless. Does

I feel like I was kidnapped by this show. If ever there was a series that completely took me by surprise, it's this fucker right here. Sure, it looked friendly and safe, but it was all a facade. How was I supposed to know when I innocently hit "play" on the first episode, that it would lead to me binge-watching all 10 episodes in one night? A work night, I might add, because who needs sleep? Even my boyfriend ended up getting invested, and he wasn't even watching it with me to begin with. Anyway, damn this show. Dead To Me is unusually good. I don't know how else to put it. If I'm being honest, I was really only expecting a female buddy comedy, maybe a bit of dark shit thrown in given the subject matter. And it is both of those things, but it's also much more than that. It gave me anxiety, but almost a good anxiety. Am I making sense? Probably not. Basic plot: Jen (Christina Applegate) recently lost her husband. Judy (Linda Cardellini), having recen

You know that feeling you get when you've had a long day, or even a long week, and you just want to sit down and be entertained without having to think about it. Your brain is barely functional, and you simply want Netflix to know what you want to watch before you're even aware that it exists, because everything is a struggle right now. Frankly, after watching countless days worth of shows and movies, Netflix really should just be psychic at this point. I had one of those moments the other day, and Netflix did not fail me. I love zombies. I will watch pretty much anything zombie-related. I wouldn't mind turning into a zombie one day. Zombies! Black Summer has zombies. I guess I'm watching Black Summer now. Black Summer is a modestly short series that runs 8 very digestible episodes, which eventually shrink into shorter, bite-sized episodes. My boyfriend and I ran through this whole show in one night (a work night, but it was worth staying up a little late

*Potential spoilers* I'm sorry, but can we please retitle this? Abducted In Plain Sight just doesn't cut it. I think World's Dumbest Parents  might suffice, but I'm open to suggestions. You might think I'm being overly harsh, and I'll allow it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and feelings about, well, anything and everything. I also consider myself to be both empathetic and sympathetic in general.  But holy hell. If you watch this and only feel sympathy for the Brobergs, then you are a saint, but I also kind of want to smack you with a fly swatter. If I were Jan Broberg and her sisters, forgiveness would be hard to dish out. Now that my initial rage has been uncorked, let's get to the center of this. If you haven't heard of Abducted In Plain Sight , it's a documentary about the kidnapping of Jan Broberg in 1974 by her neighbor, Robert Berchtold. What followed was a weeks-long ordeal of abuse and brainwashing, which ended in Bercht

It's March, the time of year when an unexpected blizzard might blow through, and, at the same time, your garden might bloom. It's also the month of my birthday, which means I'm more likely to go to the movies than any other time of the year. The plan was actually to see three movies in one day like I did a couple of years ago, but I decided to spread it out this time. Due to a chilly, lovely rain that lasted close to 24 hours, I almost didn't go out at all, but in the end I dragged my boyfriend to a 9:40pm showing of Greta , because I'll be damned if I didn't seem something on my special day. Greta might not seem like an obvious choice, and it doesn't appear to be a very popular film to begin with, nor is it getting particularly good reviews. Granted, Captain Marvel is currently on the tip of everyone's tongue, and Us   if officially dropping today, not to mention Lego Movie 2 has been out for a few weeks now (I have plans to see all of the

Well it's only been just over a year since I did anything in regards to this blog or a review of any sort. Not that I don't think about it with every single movie and TV show I watch, but we're talking about one depressive, often lazy and insecure woman here. Writing less only makes my lack of confidence worse, but there really isn't anything to lose by trying. This isn't some fancy newspaper or magazine, and no one is judging me (at least that's what I tell myself). Hell, it's unlikely anyone is reading this, and I'm genuinely okay with that. I mean you're all dreadfully missing out, but... With that said, let me dip back into this world with a short review of  All Light Will End . It's a fairly new addition to Netflix, I believe, and since I'm a huge fan of horror, this is how I spent part of my Friday night. Basic  plot: A young writer with a traumatic past and a history of night terrors revisits her hometown. And then some shit ha